From D.C. to Beijing

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Warning.... Rant

Still no news on TA. I wanted to post about something I read as I was avoiding working on my papers and take home finals. I was researching more about issues adoptees have as they get older. I ran into a few pages where women who had placed their children for adoption now years later talk about how horrible adoption is. One went so far as to say that it would have been better for her child to be dead rather than adopted. WOW! I do not doubt that this women suffered unimaginable grief over not being able to raise her child. I have such a hard time with that statement because it seems so terribly selfish. Now being someone who cannot have children I am very very biased. I still cannot get over that statement.

Another woman stated she did not believe adoption should EVER occur. This is the statement that got me so angry and yet very thoughtful. First lets be honest adoption is self for me. I want to have Evie in my home. I want to see her grow up. I want to see her become a wonderful child, a stubborn teenager and an incredible adult. I want to be in her life and that is selfish. I would however ask ANY mother if they have no selfish motives in having children. It is a role that many women desire to have in their life and if they didn't then there would be few children with such great birth control.

I know that Evie will mourn not knowing her mother. But before we even knew Evie existed she had already lost her mother. I know she will mourn her heritage. It is a loss that she will have to deal with. She will hate N and I at some point and we know this. The difference between that woman and me is I love her and I want her in my life and so I accept that she may very well hate me and blame me for her life. But this does not bother me for a few reasons.

I do NOT believe I am saving Evie from anything. N and I do not want to be her parents so we can be some sort of saints. We just want a child to raise and I have already admitted this is a selfish thing. If my daughter in her adult life hates me for adopting her I will be able to live with this. I will know she was taken care of, given opportunities for education, her lip and palate fixed, her many many years of speech therapy done, the many thousands of dollars in dental bills will be paid and the countless hours of love. If she had all of these things which she will and she can still hate N and I then so be it. When we are adults it is now our responsibility to be who we want to be.

No one on Earth has a perfect family nor is anyone entitled to one. I have an incredible family. They love me and support me but no one in my family is perfect. No family is and if Evie or other adoptees are looking for that then if they ever find a perfect family let me know because I want to see it. Until then I will not be made to feel guilty for adopting Evie. I will not question my ability to love her. She is not my blood but she is my heart. One of my strongest bonds of love is to someone of no blood relations. My sweet N. I could not even begin to express my love for him. If people except all around the world the great love one can have for their spouse who is no blood relations then why do they doubt that one can love a child that is not related by blood

...............end rant


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