From D.C. to Beijing

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Why I told the good, bad and mostly ugly

I told the truth about our trip finally because it was scary. N and I read and were as educated as possible about what a child from an SWI might look like. I had worked with children who had autism.

When we got Eva she scared me to death. She was terrified and her fear manifested itself in a way that very much looked like autism. She rocked hard, hit her head, looked out at nothing, registered no pain, hated to be touched, would look at her hands or feet, had no idea how to play with toys.

We brought her home and now almost 3 months later you would not recognize her as that child. She is happy, smart, learning to talk even though her palate is not repaired yet. She like a few kisses and like to be hugged some too. She will rarely kiss us but she loves to kiss her mei mei so I have no doubt that she will soon be kissing us too. She runs and jumps and is starting to interact with other children. Sh understand everything I say.

The issues we are still dealing with:
1. speech. this will be an issue until her palate is repaired and then we will take it from there as far as speech therapy goes.
2. attachment. this is greatly improved but it still needs work and N and I are still plugging away at it
3. sensory issues. she hates baths and some other textures. she does not like to pick up some textures of food and is not to excited to put food into her own mouth-----but she now will put the tooth brush into her mouth and brush some!!!!
4. behavior. this is something N and I are a little stumped on. she is very badly behaved in public. not all of the time but enough that it makes life difficult. I am weary because she is almost 2 but her emotional age is no where near 2. this is something we will have to keep reevaluating.

I want people to know that we signed up for a special need of cleft lip and palate. We did not sign up for the attachment or sensory issues. But guess what she has them. MY BABY! MY CHILD has them and as her mother I will see that she get the help needed.

I do not love her less because of these issues that I did not want her to have. I love her more because she has them. It is hard work to day in and day out love and take care of a child who is unable to show love in return. But we went to China to bring Li Tong home and nothing in the world was going to stop us.

We were scared. We did not know what to do. We questioned our ability to bring her home and parent her but this adoption stopped being about what was best for us the minute we committed to her. It became about her. She is the most important. She is worth ever single tear that was shed in china. We were given the greatest gift on Feb 4th 2007 and we can never thank our agency or China enough for that gift.


  • I hope you don't mind, but I had to put a link to this post on my blog.


    By Blogger Eliza2006, at 6:55 PM  

  • I found your blog through Tiffanys and I wanted to say how much it touched me. We adopted a NSN baby that we found out has Hepatitis B. I feel the same way you do, this is my child and nothing I find out will change the love I feel for her, she's my baby through and through and we will deal with whatever comes up.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:08 AM  

  • I found your blog through Tiffany's too. I really am glad to see this especially after such division caused by Chew.

    Attachment takes a long time but is well worth it in the end. Keep on going.


    By Blogger Beverly, at 7:22 AM  

  • Hi! I found your link through Tiffany's blog. I would like to link this post to my blog, for my friends and family to read. As much as I try to describe the possible challenges I may face, they still aren't really getting it. Thank you for sharing.


    By Blogger Sara, at 8:33 AM  

  • Thanks for your honesty on this, it means a lot to those of us waiting and those home with similar issues.

    By Blogger kris, at 8:48 PM  

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